


I Hated Loving You

by Wheres_my_badger



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bad Boy Michael, But Not Much, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Insecure Michael, M/M, Muke af, SO, Some Swearing, Some angst, but I'm still not sure, bye, calum is tired of this bullshit, i think it's cute, maybe hurt would be better, mostly because Michael is so insecure, ok, so is ashton, so it's not really angst, there may be some cashton, this is probably shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheres_my_badger/pseuds/Wheres_my_badger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael is the school bad boy. He acts as if he's superior, is mean to anyone that pisses him off even slightly and his hair is always a different colour. And his favourite activity, of course, is to wind up a certain Luke Hemmings, who used to be invisible but now is seen as Michael Clifford's target. But maybe things will change, now that a confession to Calum makes Michael rethink his choices. And maybe, just maybe, Ashton and Calum can finally have some peace without worrying about their best friends wanting to kill each other.</p><p>I'll post trigger warnings in the chapters notes, if there is any, please read them! xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Soo, this is my second 5sos fan fiction and my third fan fiction. I'm still learning, I'm open to suggestions, but please be nice :)  
> Ok, so, that's it, I hope you enjoy! (this chapter is the prologue, that's why it's so short)

\- Fuck you, Clifford!  
Almost out of hearing shot, Michael smirked.  
Michael Clifford was the school’s bad boy. He had brightly coloured hair and an impressive fringe and no one dared to mess with him. And the thing he took the most pleasure of was messing with Luke Hemmings, who was almost invisible until he became Michael’s target. No one knew how it had started, all they knew was that Michael hated Luke and Luke hated Michael right back. Michael’s best friend, Calum, sometimes made weak attempts of stopping Michael, and the same could be said about Hemmings’ friend, Ashton, but whenever they were near each other the final scene was the same, Michael walking away and Luke screaming “fuck you, Clifford”, clearly itching to throttle the other boy.


	2. Somethings are just too obvious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there. I'll be posting the first chapter today as well, cause my prologue is really freaking tiny.

Michael's POV

“This is ridiculous, you know?”  
It was Friday and Calum and Michael were sitting on Michael’s bed, playing Mario Kart.  
“What are you talking about?” asked Michael, without looking away from the TV.  
“Hemmings.”   
The name affected Michael more than he’d care to admit, making him look at Calum and, therefore, lose the first place he’d just owned.  
“Fuck. You cheated!”  
Calum laughed, pausing the game.  
“Never knew you couldn’t play and talk at the same time” the boy smirked at Michael. The redhead (at least at moment) simply rolled his eyes, ignoring his friend.  
“Shut up, Calum, you know I hate it when you talk about Hemmings.” He turned back to the TV, but Calum hadn’t restarted the game, making Michael frown. He looked at his friend, who had an eyebrow raised. “C’mon, mate, what are you waiting for?”  
“Yeah, cause I’m the one who always brings Luke up on conversations. You should stop messing with him, Michael.” The boy snorted at Calum’s words. As if that was ever gonna happen. “I’m serious, it’s not going to make him like you.”  
Michael looked at his friend, startled and trying to contain his blush.  
“Make him what? I hate him!”  
“Whatever, Mikey, let’s just go back to the game”

Calum had known Michael since first grade. He knew the boy better than anyone else, so as soon as his friend had started making Hemmings’ life a living hell he’d known what was happening. At first he’d simply ignored it. If it was a crush it would go away soon. He’d made some attempts to help Luke, but he knew that interfering would only make things worse. But it had been going on for more than a year, and maybe it was time he stopped ignoring it and started helping both, his friend and Luke, because no one deserved to be the target of Michael’s hate. So, he’d decided that the first thing he should do was show Michael that he knew (and had known for a while, really) that the other boy wasn’t exactly straight and that he was ok with it, because he could see how scared of admitting it Michael was.

After hours of playing Mario Kart the boys decided that it was worth stop playing to go get something to eat. Michael’s parents were out of town for the weekend and for some odd reason they’d allowed Michael to invite Calum over. The boys ordered pizza and decided to watch TV while they waited. Michael was unusually quiet and Calum was thinking that maybe he shouldn’t have said what he had. That is, until the other boy started talking.  
“Cal…” Michael didn’t look up. “About what you said earlier. I don’t… I mean, I’m not… I hate him, I don’t like… fuck, I’m not gay, ok?”  
“I know you’re not. But I also know that you’re not straight.”  
Ok, so, maybe Calum wasn’t the most tactful person in the world, but he knew Michael noticed that that was his way of telling Michael it was ok.  
“No, I’m not. Are you ok with it?” Michael had never seemed so scared before. It made Calum’s heart clench to see his friend like that.  
“Mikey, we’ve been friends since forever, you’re my best friend. Of course I’m ok with it. Hell, you could tell me you’ve murdered someone and all I’d do would be help you hide the body.”  
Michael laughed and Calum sighed in relief. Everything was ok. Suddenly he felt a weight on him and he was being tackled by his friend in what was, probably, some sort of hug.  
“Thanks. You’re the best.”  
“I know, but say it as much as you want.”  
The other boy laughed and got up on the moment the door bell rang.  
“Pizza!” and just like that Michael was back to his hyper and happy self that the boy hid so carefully under his bad boy image and that only Calum and Michael’s family got to see.

They were eating when Calum decided he’d given Michael enough time to assimilate the fact that now he didn’t have to hide his sexuality anymore. He could have some fun with it.  
“So, for how long have you had a crush on Hemmings?”  
Michael’s eyes went wide and he chocked, blushing bright red, just like his hair, while coughing. Calum laughed.  
“What? Look, I may like boys, but I’d never go for someone like… like Hemmings, with his stupid lip piercing and those stupid blue eyes and that sorry excuse of a fringe and…” he shut up, because now Calum was almost rolling on the floor laughing. “Shut up, Calum, I’m serious.”  
“Yeah, of course you are. It’s not like you stare at him in class, or like only two weeks after he got his piercing you started talking about girls with lip piercings, or like blue is your favourite colour.”  
Michael didn’t know what to say, and Calum definitely had a point, but dammit, he wasn’t ready to admit it. He hadn’t even admitted it to himself, much less to someone else.  
“Shut up”  
“Don’t worry, Mikey, your secret is safe with me. But you really should stop torturing the boy. You’re only destroying your chances with him.”  
“I don’t want any chances with him!”  
“Keep telling yourself that, Mikey.”  
And that’s how their conversation ended, leaving Michael to think about it.

Luke's POV

“I hate him so much, Ash!”  
Ashton sighed. Every day (ok, maybe not everyday) it was the same thing: Michael would tease Luke about his hair, or his piercing or anything, really, and even shove him against the lockers sometimes, and Luke would just scream at him and then come to Ashton, complaining about how Clifford was an idiot and how he hated Clifford and how Clifford’s hair was much more stupid that his and so on, and honestly, Ashton was tired.  
“You should just ignore him, Luke.”  
“It’s not like I can, it just makes him insist more!”  
“You know that’s bullshit, if you started ignoring him every time he’d stop eventually. You just don’t want him to stop noticing you.”  
“Oh, god, I’ve told you a million times, Ash, I don’t like him.”  
“Ok, whatever you say, Luke. You both should honestly just get together and spare me and Calum from your speeches about each other.”  
“Ok, first of all, he’s straight. Not that I’d get with him if he wasn’t, but he is. And how in hell do you know he talks about me to Calum?”  
Ashton snorted.  
“If you think Michael Clifford is straight then you’re just completely stupid. And I know he talks about you to Calum because that’s what you do when you like someone, you talk about them all the freaking time and Michael has the biggest fucking crush on you. Since forever.”  
“You’re delusional, Ash.”  
“Whatever, I have to go, Luke. See you on Monday.”  
And he hung up. Luke sighed. When did his life become so difficult? He often tried to remember what he had done that could have possibly made Clifford hate him, but he just couldn’t. He’d seen the boy before, he was the school’s bad boy, after all, with his hair always dyed a different colour, but he’d never even talked to the boy. And one day, with no apparent reason he’d just walked up to Luke and started teasing him about his hair. Luke, of course had reacted and that’s when the whole thing started.  
Stupid Michael Clifford, with his stupid bad boy personality and stupid cute dyed hair.


	3. Of pencils and blushing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the next chapter. Just a little warning: english is not my first language, and while I'm not that bad of a writer I never really understood when to use "on" and when to use "in", I just go with what feels right, so there might be some errors with that and maybe with some other stuff. Also, I might have hurried things a bit between the last chapter and this, but I hope you like it xx

Michael POV

Michael should have known going to school that Monday wasn’t a good idea. His mind was too far away from reality for him to concentrate on anything. Since Calum had told him he knew Michael was bisexual the redheaded had been thinking. He’d always been so scared that someone would find out and he’d end up a loner with no friends that he ended up creating his whole bad boy façade to keep people away and keep them from finding out about his secret.  
But now he knew that Calum didn’t actually mind and it was not like he had other friends to lose (which was quite ironic, since his fear of losing people was what made him keep them away, but oh well), so was there any point on keeping his reputation as the bad boy? The school’s asshole? He didn’t think so. The only other person he’d been worried about was, of course, Luke Hemmings, for reasons he’d rather not think about, but he’d been making the boy’s life a living hell for more than one year now and he didn’t think that anything could make Hemmings forgive him. So, once again, no point in hiding anymore. But the real question was: could he be himself? Would he be able to simply leave behind his image and let people see who he really was? That would certainly be difficult.  
Still thinking about everything he’d have to do to destroy the image of himself he’d created, Michael didn’t even notice he was lazily walking into a class he was twenty minutes late for. That is, until a scream of “No, you can’t do that!” brought him back to reality.  
He looked around. All of the students were staring at him, open-mouthed. And the scream had come from Luke, who was sat on the back of the classroom, besides the only empty seat on the class. Oh, wonderful. Today was not his day. Besides, he still didn’t know what was going on.  
\- You better be quiet, Mr Hemmings, or you’ll get yourself one more hour of detention. And you too, Mr Clifford, if you don’t take this paper and go sit down right now.  
“Oh, great” thought the boy, heading to his seat with the paper the teacher had just handed him. “First class of the day and I already got a detention.” He’d just sat down when the teacher’s words really sunk in. He wouldn’t just have detention. He would have to spend two hours on a room with Luke Hemmings, on the first day of his decision of being a better person and leaving his asshole persona behind. This had to be a nightmare.  
He was in the middle of worrying about the afternoon when the noise of a pencil falling caught his attention. He looked to his right, just to see Luke looking from him to a pencil that was by Michael’s foot. Now, normally Michael would have smirked and kicked Luke’s pencil to the front of the classroom or done something equally childish, but he was stubborn and he’d decided to stop being an asshole. This was a chance as good as any other to start. So he bent down, took the pencil and handed it to Luke. Luke, though, didn't take the pencil, too busy staring at Michael as if the boy had just grown a third arm. Seeing the expression on Luke’s face Michael blushed, threw the pencil on the other boy’s table and turned to the front of the class, doing his best to look like he was paying attention. By the corner of his eye, though, he could see Luke staring at him for at least two more minutes before turning to face the teacher once again, pencil in hand.  
After that the class passed way too fast, since Michael had once again gone inside his head, thinking about what had just happened and was completely oblivious to the world around him. When the bell rung he gathered all of his things and all but ran to the door, wanting to find Calum as soon as he could.  
“Hey, Mikey! Why the hurry dude? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  
Michael leaned against Calum’s locker, trying to catch his breath.  
“I got Luke’s pencil.” He finally said. Calum raised an eyebrow.  
“You’ll have to be a bit more specific, dude, because that makes me think you got Hemming’s pencil and ran away with it and somehow I don’t think that’s what happened.”  
Michael glared at his friend.  
“Shut up. Luke dropped his pencil today in class and I picked it up and gave it back to him.” Calum’s eyebrow still wasn’t in it’s right place. “Ok, that’s really not the main thing, the main thing is the fact that I’ll have to stay on a room with Luke freaking Hemmings for two hours, just one day after I accepted that I have a stupid crush on him.” He noticed what he’d just said when he saw the look on Calum’s face. The boy was smirking. “Oh, for fucks sake.”  
He looked away from Calum, pouting. He cursed his skin for being so white, which made his blushing cheeks extremely obvious.  
“Awwn, Mikey, don’t blush” laughed Calum, making Michael want to eviscerate. him. “It’s okay to be in love”  
The look of shock on Michael’s face was enough for Calum to burst out laughing.  
“I not in love, shut up. It’s just a stupid crush. C’mon, let’s go to class, you git.”  
With Calum still laughing they made their way to class.

Luke POV

“I’m telling you, Ash, it was the weirdest thing ever.”  
“He just gave your pencil back, Luke, it’s not like it’s a weird thing for people to do.”  
Luke sighed heavily, rolling his eyes.  
“C’mon, Ash, you know as well as I do that Clifford doesn’t do that kind of stuff, least of all to me.”  
And, yeah, Ashton knew it was weird that Michael would do something like that, after being an ass to Luke for over a year. But he was also a very observant person, and he’d been waiting for ages for Michael to finally accept his crush on Luke and stop being stupid about it and tormenting the boy. This little act gave him hope.  
“Ok, maybe it’s a bit weird. But I do think you should be more worried about the detention you’ll be spending with him.”  
Luke’s eyes widened comically, making Ashton giggle. Of course his friend would have forgotten about that.  
“Oh my god, Ash, what will I do? He will kill me. He will spend all of detention tormenting me. I won’t survive two hours with him.”  
“Have more faith, Lukey. He did give your pencil back just ten minutes ago. Now c’mon, you can worry about detention in class, unless you want to have to spend two more hours alone after your boyfriend is gone”  
Luke grumpily followed his friend, mumbling something about Michael not being his boyfriend and about needing new friends. Ashton didn’t really mind, he just laughed at his friend and kept on walking.


	4. Masks won't help you heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This… went in a really different direction from the one I'd planned. When I noticed the direction it was headed I considered changing it, but it felt so natural… anyway, hope you enjoy it x
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: there is a panic attack in this chapter, on Michael's second POV. I don't go on about it a lot, but I do describe it.

Michael’s POV

That was it, that was the time. Michael took a deep breath, staring at the door in front of him. He would walk through that door and on the other side would be Luke Hemmings, the guy he’d tormented for over a year, the guy on whom he had a ridiculous crush, the guy that made him unable to pretend that he was entirely straight. Also some teacher, but he or she would be gone five minutes into detention. Michael could only pray that there would be someone else there. Probably not. His school wasn’t the most strict of schools, you could do pretty much everything and get away with it, unless you happened to be caught by a teacher that was on a bad mood, aaand he was getting distracted again.  
He reached for the doorknob. Ok. He could do it. His first instinct had been to slam the door open, but since he’d decided to start letting go of his bad boy image he simply opened the door like a normal person and walked quietly into the classroom. Great. Just two more hours and he’d be done. In his head he groaned. This was going to be awful.  
As predicted, the only other souls on the room were Luke and their biology teacher. As soon as Michael walked in both of them looked at him, making him uneasy from being under their stares.  
“Mr Clifford. Late for a detention you got for being late. Very impressive."  
He didn’t sound impressed. Not at all. It took all Michael had to not flip the guy off. Two hours of detention was enough.  
Slowly, the boy made his way to the many empty chairs on the classroom, choosing one not too far from Luke, but not too close either. See, Michael had a problem. As much as he pretended to hate Luke, he’d always make a point of siting close to the other boy, even if he avoided at all costs thinking about the reason for that. And Michael would never, ever admit to it, even after accepting his crush, but Calum had been right, Michael spent every class he had with Luke staring at the boy, only half of his brain paying attention to the teacher. Which sucked really, because in class they were surrounded by other people and Michael could easily pretend he hadn’t been staring at Luke, but here it was just them. He’d have to use all of his self-control to get through those two hours.  
As soon as Michael sat down the teacher stood up.  
“Very well, I’ll be on my classroom, I have much more important things to worry about then two teenagers, so just stay here and do whatever. I’ll be back in two hours, if anything is out of place you’ll put it back and one more hour of detention will be added. Have fun, boys."  
And with that he left. Michael sighed. The torture had begun.

Luke’s POV

Luke knew shouldn’t start a conversation. He had a list of reasons why starting a conversation with Michael was a bad idea. A very long list. And it was not like he had anything to say to Michael, besides ‘I hate you’, ‘fuck you’ and some insults. But he was curious. Michael had been… different that day. First he’d given back Luke’s pencil, and blushed while doing so. Blushed. Michael Clifford was a bad boy, he shouldn’t blush. And he hated Luke. There was no reason for him to give Luke’s pencil back like he had. Then Luke had seen him in the cafeteria (shut up, Ash, I’m not looking for him). He’d walked in like a normal person, as if he was trying not to draw attention to himself, which was weird for him, since he always did everything he could to show people how powerful and secure he was, always smirking and walking as if he owned the place. And then, just now, he’d walked quietly into the classroom, he didn’t talk back to the teacher, he didn’t tease Luke about anything and he didn’t take the seat farthest away from Luke. So, yeah, he was curious. He’d spent the first fifteen minutes of detention planning what to say, but when he turned to Michael and opened his mouth all of his planning vanished and all that came out was:   
“Why did you give me my pencil back?"  
Michael stared at him, seeming startled. Luke was too busy mentally punching himself to realise that the other boy had already been looking at him but didn’t miss the blush on Michael’s cheeks, and couldn’t help but wonder why the hell he was blushing. Maybe there was more to Michael than what he showed other people…  
“What?"  
Then again, maybe not, if the way Michael had made that single little word sound like a threat was anything to go by. Luke was feeling brave, though. Or maybe he was just bored; he did a lot of stupid shit when he was bored.  
“This morning. You gave my pencil back. You’ve never done that."  
Michael frowned and seemed a bit... embarrassed? Ok, now Luke was going crazy. There was no reason at all for Michael to be embarrassed.  
“Well, I did it today. It’s just a pencil, Hemmings, for fucks sake."  
Luke was confused. Michael wasn’t threatening him. He wasn’t even being harsh, his tone was calm and a little hurt, as if he didn’t understand why Luke would be surprised that Michael had been nice to him. It was weird to see Michael so controlled and... insecure?  
“I just… I don’t get it. Why would you…"  
“Oh my god, Luke, would you please just drop it?"  
Luke’s eyes widened. Michael’s eyes widened and he greeted his teeth, going slightly red, and Luke didn’t know if it was because he was greeting his teeth so hard or if he was just blushing again.  
“What… what did you just call me?"  
You see, for a normal person that question would have been the weirdest question ever, but Luke was too surprised to worry about that. Besides, this was Luke and Michael. They weren’t normal. And Michael had never, ever, in the year and a half he’d been messing with Luke, called the boy by his first name. So, to say Luke was surprised was an understatement. Michael himself didn’t seem to understand what had just happened. And they still had one hour and a half to go. Amazing.

 

Michael’s POV

As soon as the words left his mouth Michael noticed his mistake. Luke. He’d called Hemmings Luke. He’d never done that before, and he could tell Luke was thinking the exact same thing, by the way his eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in surprise.  
“What… What did you just call me?"  
He was probably imagining it, but Luke sounded accusatory, as if Michael had insulted him, and Michael couldn’t help but feel scared. He’d been scared from the moment Luke had opened that stupid pretty mouth of his and started talking to him, as if just talking to the boy would lead to him finding out that Michael had a crush on him.  
Now, there was no way Luke would find out, unless Michael told him or made it very obvious. And if he could just keep calm neither of those things would happen. But he wasn’t calm. He was scared, and he felt insecure and inadequate, and all of the feelings he’d been repressing for two years every time he left his house were coming to him at once, and maybe this whole idea of just being himself around people wasn’t a good idea after all.  
Luke was looking at him, seeming confused and maybe a little bit worried, probably because Michael looked like he was about to pass out (which he was, if he was being honest). Michael felt stupid. He’d spent more than a year building his image; he thought being feared by everyone in school would at least lessen his social anxiety, but apparently not. And as much as he wanted to end the whole bad boy thing, having a breakdown in front of Luke Hemmings didn’t seem like the best way to do it.  
Still, his quickening heartbeat didn’t seem to mind that Michael was in front of his crush and soon the world started spinning. He couldn’t breath. He was scared, he didn’t know what was happening and Luke’s slightly panicked voice calling his name wasn’t helping either. He had to get out of there, but his limbs felt heavy and he still couldn’t breath. He was trapped, he couldn’t leave. He was going to die.  
And then Luke hands were on his shoulders and he was helping Michael get out of his seat and sit on the floor. On the floor he managed to hug his knees to his chest, Luke’s hand still on one of his arms, and the world slowly stopped spinning. A panic attack. He’d just had a panic attack in front of Luke. Why did the universe hate him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll be posting everyday, or maybe every two days, cause soon I'll be having classes again and I don't think I'll have time. See ya'll soon x


	5. I can see you hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, guys, hope you enjoy xx :)

Calum’s POV

Calum was worried. He’d been worried from the moment he’d noticed Michael wasn’t acting normally at school. He was acting like… like normal Michael, the Michael he was before they started high school and before he started pushing people away. And it was not like Calum didn’t like that Michael. Actually, he liked him way better, because he was less miserable than bad boy Michael, but it had been so long since Michael had been himself in front of anyone other than Calum, that Calum didn’t think he quite remembered how to be himself around other people. He didn’t think Michael remembered how scared he was and how vulnerable he felt without his bad boy mask and he knew Michael already had a hard time dealing with himself when he was aware of his problems. He really didn’t think Michael could deal with himself when he didn’t remember he had to deal with himself. And while Calum was one hundred percent willing to help Michael get better and give up his mask there was nothing he could do about the detention the boy had gotten himself.  
And that’s why when Michael called him, half an hour before the time his detention would be over Calum wasn’t surprised. Just worried. Really worried.  
“Hey, Mikey." He said, softly.  
“Hey, Cal."  
They were silent for some time. Calum broke the silence.  
“I’m coming over."  
“Thanks."  
He heard the other boy whisper, before hanging up.  
As soon as the door opened Calum jumped on his best friend, hugging him tight. Michael hugged him back and they stayed like that, door still open, for a whole minute. When they separated, Michael closed the door and led Calum to his room, looking at the floor all the time. As they reached the room and sat on Michael’s bed facing each other Michael looked up. Calum’s heart clenched seeing his friend’s red eyes. Clearly, he’d been crying.  
“Oh, Mikey. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. What happened?"  
It took some time for Michael to start talking, but when the words left his mouth it took everything Calum had not to start crying himself.  
“I had a panic attack." His voice cracked. Calum put his hand on Michael’s knee, to show him he was there. "I had a panic attack, Cal, and I hadn’t had one in forever, and I didn’t remember that it was so bad, and Luke was there, and… Oh my god, he must think I’m a freak. And why do I even care? I shouldn’t care. God, Cal, I’m pathetic!"  
At this point Michael was crying again, and Calum would have done anything to take his pain away. Unfortunately, the only thing he could do was hug his friend and be there for him.  
“Hey, hey, Mikey, calm down, buddy. You’re gonna make yourself sick. Look at me." The boy looked up, a little bit calmer. "Mikey, you are not pathetic. Don’t ever say that again, because it’s not true. Everything is going to be ok. I’ll be there with you from now on, I should have been there today. And I’m sure Luke doesn’t think you’re a freak. He is not an asshole, despite what you seem to think. If anything he is probably worried. So don’t worry too much. Forget about all of that, it’s just you and me now. We’ll deal with the rest later, ok?"  
Michael nodded, wiping his face in his shirt. Soon both boys were cuddled on the bed, watching some random movie, and Calum wished they could be there forever, because then Michael wouldn’t be hurt. He wished he could keep Michael safe forever, but that just wasn’t possible.

Luke’s POV

Luke didn’t know what to think. Michael had had a panic attack. Luke wasn’t an expert, but he recognised a panic attack when he saw one. And he knew it could have been triggered by literally anything, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. If he hadn’t insisted on that stupid question about his pencil, or if he hadn’t looked so surprised by Michael saying his name, or maybe if he’d just done what he knew was the best idea and ignored the boy for the whole of detention, then maybe Michael would still be ok and Luke wouldn’t be so worried.  
And he knew he had no reason to be worried. It was not like Michael was his friend. Quite the opposite, actually. But the look on Michael’s face… he’d looked so confused and so scared, and he’d seemed so relieved when Luke helped him sit on the floor. He’d been so vulnerable, that Luke’s only instinct had been to protect the boy from everyone and everything. He didn’t care how messed up that wish was, considering how much Michael had tormented him.  
“Luke, hey, are you there?"  
Ashton’s voice brought Luke back to the present.  
“What? Oh, sorry. Zoned out a bit."  
“Yeah, I could tell." Ashton eyed him suspiciously. “Dude, you’re way too worried about him. I know that you feel guilty and that you have a crush on him, but it’s not your fault and he is probably all right."  
Luke had told Ashton about the day before, finally admitting that yeah, he had a crush on Michael (something Ashton already knew, honestly). Now they were both at school and Luke had been searching for Michael, completely ignoring Ashton, which was starting to annoy the other boy. He’d actually opened his mouth to complain about Luke when they spotted Michael and Calum, making their way to Michael’s locker.  
Another pang of guilt hit Luke. Calum never accompanied Michael to his locker, they just met at Calum’s if they had a class together or to go the cafeteria on the breaks.  
As the two boys stopped in front of the locker Luke took a deep breath and walked up to them. Calum raised an eyebrow as Luke approached them, nudging Michael’s shoulder. Michael turned around and flinched slightly when his eyes met Luke’s. Calum positioned himself half in front of Michael, protectively.  
“What do you want?" Asked Michael, obviously trying to sound angry. He just sounded tired.  
“I, uhn, I wanted to know if you’re all right." Luke said. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d walked up to Michael.  
His answer seemed to surprise Michael, but not Calum. Calum was actually smiling a little bit, even if he still seemed to be protecting Michael.  
“That’s none of…“ Luke flinched and Michael stopped, surprising the blond boy. He sighed. "I’m ok. Thanks for… for helping me. Yesterday."  
“It’s ok. I’m… I’m sorry, if I had anything to do with that. Sorry I pushed you."  
Michael blushed.  
“No, you… it wasn’t you. I…" He stopped talking for a second. "Whatever. See you later, Luke."  
And with that he walked away, Calum following him, but not without shooting Luke a smile that was obviously meant to thank him, and Luke taught it seemed a bit... encouraging?  
As the pair walked away Luke wondered if that vulnerable Michael he’d seen the day before was the one Calum saw everyday. If yes, he could easily understand why the boy seemed so protective of Michael. The world could do a lot of damage to a boy like him. It already had, Luke noticed, thinking about the personality Michael had been showing since the start of high school.  
Ashton approached Luke, once again bringing him back to the real world. Half of the people on the corridor were staring at him, mouths hanging open.  
“Dude, I think you’ve shocked them. The whole school will be talking about you and Clifford by lunch. Good luck."  
Luke nodded absently.  
“Hey, Ash, do you remember how Michael was before high school?"  
Ashton frowned, thinking.  
“Not really, no."  
“Isn’t that a bit weird? I know he was in our school before high school, but… I don’t remember him."  
“I don’t see why that’s important, Luke."  
“It’s just… he’s known for being a bad boy. But he only started to be known in high school. Which means he wasn’t an asshole before. He was just… invisible. Like us."  
“Luke, let’s go to class, you can continue playing Sherlock Holmes when there isn’t a chance of me getting a detention because of you."  
Luke rolled his eyes but followed his friend to the classroom. He’d get to the bottom of this, he needed to know what made Michael an asshole. Or who.


	6. The Universe Is Helping You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, I'm a liar, sorry!!!! Hope you enjoy this (very late) chapter xx

Luke’s POV

Luke was having some trouble figuring out a way to get closer to Michael. He knew couldn’t just walk up to him and start talking to the boy as if they’d always been friends, he couldn’t talk to him in class… But he would find a way, eventually.  
It was the third class of the day, P.E, and Luke’s mind was working hard to figure a way to approach Michael on lunch time, which was after the class he was currently in, when his chance presented itself. They were playing dodgeball and Calum, who had never been the best at sports, tripped on his own feet and was hit by a ball, before falling to the ground, crying in pain. Usually Luke would feel bad for the boy, but ignore it, because Calum was Michael’s friend. But now… He ran to the fallen boy, getting to him before anyone else.  
“Calum! Hey, are you ok?"  
The boy moaned, looking up at Luke with a pained expression.  
“My ankle hurts."  
“It’s ok, don’t worry, coach is coming over."  
The coach indeed kneeled next to the boys a few seconds later.  
“Are you ok, son? Does anything hurt?"  
Before Calum could answer Luke spoke up.  
“He said his ankle hurts, coach. I think he twisted it."  
The coach eyed Luke for a moment, then looked at Calum’s now bruised ankle, before sighing.  
“Well, you better go to the infirmary, this ankle really doesn’t look good. I believe you can help him, mr Hemmings?"  
The blond boy nodded, helping Calum up and putting an arm around the boy’s waist to help him walk.  
They were out of the gym when Calum spoke up.  
“Thank you, Luke." his voice was soft.  
“It’s ok, it’s not like I like P.E."  
Calum chuckled.  
“I don’t either, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Thank you for yesterday, with Mikey. And for talking to him today. You’re a good guy."  
“Oh." Luke was at a loss for words. He didn’t really expect Calum to be so frank about the incident, even though it was obvious he was thankful. "Oh, it’s ok, I didn’t really do anything."  
“Yeah, you did. You helped Mikey and you are not acting like you think he’s a freak, and that’s more than anything anyone has done for him, except for me. So please don’t fuck this up."  
They fell in silence. Luke didn’t really know what to think. When he’d seen Michael’s vulnerable side he’d wondered if that was what Calum got to see everyday. Judging by what the boy was saying, his assumption had been right, but once again, Luke didn’t expect him to be so open about it. He was sure Michael would freak the fuck out if he knew what Calum had just said.  
They didn’t talk until they got to the infirmary. The nurse sighed at the sight of Calum’s swollen ankle.  
“Honestly, I have no idea how you manage to do things like that. Did you trip on your own feet?"  
It was obviously a rhetorical question, but Calum blushed, because that was actually not that far form the truth. Luke chuckled.  
“Well, I’ll just…"  
“Oh, no, please stay, honey, he will need help to get to the cafeteria."  
Luke only nodded and sat down next to the bed and watched as the nurse took care of Calum’s foot.  
They were sat at the infirmary, waiting for the bell to ring. It was slightly awkward as neither of them knew what to say, but the universe had given Luke a fantastic opportunity and he wasn’t going to waste it.  
“So… you like music?" Not the best ice breaker, but it was all Luke could think of. Surprisingly, Calum’s face lit up.  
“Of course! Who the fuck doesn’t?"  
Luke laughed.  
“You would be surprised! Any favourite bands?"  
“I don’t know, Green Day, Blink”182, All Time Low… You know, this kind of stuff."  
“No shit! I’ve wanting to go to a Green Day show since like, forever, and Blink, oh god, best band ever!"  
And yeah, maybe Luke sounded a little bit too excited and a little bit gay, but whatever, Calum was laughing and it wasn’t awkward anymore.  
They talked about music some more, and Luke found out that Calum could play the bass and, just like him and Ashton, wanted to be in a band some day.  
Their conversation was cut short a while later by the bell ringing. A worried look passed Calum’s face.  
“Fuck, I shouldn’t be here, I told Michael I’d meet him at his locker."  
The boy struggled to get up and Luke could tell he was slightly panicked, so he put his arm back around Calum’s waist and helped him up.  
“Hey, relax, I’ll take you there and Michael won’t mind if you are a bit late."  
“I know he won’t mind, but… Whatever, let’s just go."  
They hurried along the school’s corridors until they got to Michael’s locker. Luke felt a weight on his chest. Michael was leaning against his locker, shoulders hunched and hugging a notebook to his chest, as if it could protect him. As soon as they saw Michael Calum quickened his pace, almost taking both, Luke and himself to the ground.  
“Mikey!" Upon hearing his name the red haired boy looked up, relief obvious on his face, until his eyes laid on Luke. “Sorry, buddy, I had a bit of an accident in P.E."  
“What the hell is he doing here, Cal? What… Oh my god, what happened to your foot? Please tell me you didn’t trip on your feet again. And please tell me prince charming over there didn’t carry you to the infirmary. God, Cal…"  
Calum laughed and punched Michael’s arm, never letting go of Luke.  
“Shut up, fucker, you know I hate P.E. Now let’s go get some lunch, I’m starving. Wanna come with us, Luke? Ashton can come too."


	7. Everyone Has A Story

Luke’s POV

Luke, Ashton, Calum and Michael sat at the table in silence. When Calum asked Luke to join them at lunch the blond had expected Michael to throw a fit and yell at both, him and Calum, but that’s not what happened. Michael had glared at his friend, blushing, and sighed exaggeratedly, but Calum only smiled at him, innocently and now there they were, sat at a table in the cafeteria with everyone staring at them. Now, Luke was uncomfortable, but it was nothing close to how nervous Michael seemed to be. The boy was pale (well… paler) and kept his eyes trained on the table, never looking up. His shoulders were shaking slightly and Luke could see Calum holding his hand under the table.  
This made Luke wonder how in hell had Michael managed to live with all the attention he got from being the school’s bad boy. It then occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, being seen as a bad boy helped Michael. Helped him deal with other people. Helped him hide… something. Luke wanted to discover what that “something” was.  
“So… Luke says you guys want to be in a band. Is that right? I heard you play the drums."  
Calum’s cheerful voice, talking to Ashton, brought Luke back to reality. The dark haired boy had chosen a good topic. Ashton smiled back at the boy and some of the tension dissipated.  
“Yeah, man, a band would be great! Can you imagine? Traveling everywhere, playing for a living, having fans… It would amazing. Oh, and yeah, drums. I’m not that good, though."  
“He’s being stupid. He’s freaking awesome!"  
Luke chirped in. Calum and Ashton laughed.  
“I bet he is. I’d like to be in a band too. Actually, Mikey and I were thinking about forming one. He’d play guitar, I’d play bass. Ain’t that right, Mikey?"  
Upon hearing his name Michael looked up for the first time.  
“Don’t call me that. And yeah, whatever."  
Michael then flinched and looked at Calum accusingly, and Luke smiled, knowing Calum must have crushed Michael’s hand with his own.  
They continued with their conversation, mostly Calum and Ashton, and it was a bit awkward, but then again, every friendship is awkward in the beginning. Michael and Luke were too busy in their own worlds, Michael picking his food and frowning, even though he’d stopped shaking when people lost interest in them, and the blond trying to understand him.  
When the bells rang, few minutes later, all four boys sighed tiredly.  
“Hey, Cal, Michael, what class do you have now?" Asked Ashton, as soon as they stood up. Luke saw Michael raise an eyebrow, but it was Calum who answered the question.  
“History. Fuck, I hate history."  
“You hate everything, Cal."  
Said Michael, his tone light for the first time. He still didn’t answer Ashton. The blond drummer shrugged.  
“Well, I have Geography, your classroom is on the way. Wanna walk with me?"  
Michael gasp was barely audible, and it only reached Luke because he was right by the boy’s side. Calum bit his lip, seeming torn.  
“I don’t know, Ash, Mikey has physics now and it’s kinda far from geography…"  
Ashton frowned, looking confused, and Michael blushed bright red, but didn’t say anything. Luke felt bad for Calum, for not doing what he wanted because Michael needed him, and also for Michael, because the boy looked so embarrassed, but even that wasn’t enough to make him go to class by himself.  
“I have physics right now. Michael and I could walk together."  
All eyes turned to Luke. Ashton had an eyebrow raised, Calum looked absolutely thankful, even if a bit surprised and Michael seemed to be somewhere between grateful, angry and sad.  
“That’d be great. I guess I’ll see you later, Mikey. I’ll meet you at your locker, k?"  
Michael stared at Calum for a few seconds, looking a bit lost, before turning around and walking away without a word. Luke followed him.

Calum’s POV

Calum was a bit worried watching Michael and Luke leave. Michael had walked away first, but three steps later it was clear that Luke was leading the way.  
Calum knew Luke wouldn’t do anything to hurt Michael, but after his panic attack the day before the boy was really fragile. In two days or so they’d be back to their routine of only meeting at Calum’s locker, but for now Calum avoided leaving the boys side. Michael needed someone to make him feel comfortable and safe. He only hoped Luke was enough.  
When the pair finally left the cafeteria Calum turned at Ashton.  
“Let’s go."

When they exited the cafeteria and the noise died down a bit Ashton spoke again.  
“So, not to be nosy or anything, but… why can’t Michael walk to class on his own?"  
For a moment Calum considered being angry with Ashton, but the boy’s tone wasn’t teasing or judgemental, jut curious.  
“It’s just… did Luke say anything about detention yesterday?"  
“He said Michael had a panic attack. But mostly he just cried and blamed himself. It wasn’t his fault, was it?"  
Calum thought about what to say. Michael wouldn’t be too happy that Calum was talking about him to Ashton, but the boy had been honest about Luke and Calum felt he could trust him.  
“It kind of was, but he can’t blame himself. It wasn’t something he did, it’s just… he was there."  
Ashton frowned.  
“I don’t get it…"  
“Mikey has social anxiety. I think it started in the last year of middle school when he…“ when he developed a crush on me, Calum thought. But he couldn’t tell Ashton that. He hadn’t even told Michael he’d known about that. "Well, it doesn’t matter. The thing is, he started pushing people away, because he was scared they’d find a secret of his and soon it was just the two of us. He didn’t try that hard to push me away and I was stubborn. Anyways, he became very anti social and he was scared all of the time, he could barely go a day without having a panic attack. I think it was the worst year of my life. Of his life too, probably."  
Ashton’s eyes were wide.  
“Oh… wow, that… must have sucked. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone have a panic attack, but from what Luke told me… When did it stop?"  
“Well, in the holydays between middle and high school Michael learned that if he scared people he wouldn’t be so scared. He built his mask and started the pseudo bullying that you already know about. He got the “title” of bad boy and has been tormenting people since then. I think he’d actually forgotten about his social anxiety until yesterday."  
“What made him remember about it?"  
“He stopped with his bad boy façade."  
“And why?"  
“Sorry, mate, not my secret to tell."  
Ashton laughed.  
“No, it’s okay, I’m intruding in your life. You know, Michael will be fine with Luke. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Luke is in love with that boy."  
Calum’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that. He could see that Luke cared for Michael, for some odd reason, and he could tell that Luke was gay. But Luke liking Michael? That was news to him.  
“Are you serious? He actually likes Michael? Like, likes likes Michael?"  
“Dude, c’mon, this is not pre school. And that sentence barely made sense. But yeah, he likes Michael."  
“Michael likes Luke too." The words came out before Calum could stop himself. He covered his mouth with his hand and Ashton laughed.  
“I know he does. It’s pretty obvious. For me, at least, cause I watch people a lot. Ok, that sounded super creepy, but you know what I mean. Anyways, that’s your class, isn’t it? See you around, Cal."  
And with that he left Calum, surprised and slightly hopeful.


End file.
